and so i realised... my love for you is that deep. That after so long... i still cant forget.
and today, i realised that my love for you is deeper than i can imagine. I never knew that. Only when you have lost it, then you begin to realise how much you want to hold on to it. and how impt it is to you. I gotta admit, I wasn't a good lover and I only have myself to blame. but still.. what you did was truly upsetting to.
but well, its all too late. nv cherished them before. Now, i don't have the chance to.
wrote a very long appreciation, thank you list to YOU. very long indeed...
but i guess. i don't have the courage to send it out at all. it will probably be just another stupid move. Did alot of stupid things... and will probably be doing more. but i just cant help it, even though I know, the outcome is still the same.
took alot of courage to send that sms to you. mp3 was on shuffle mode. told myself if OUR SONG is being played within the next half hour, i will take the courage to send the message. and "suay" enough.. or lucky enough (only god knows), it played within minutes.
while listening, past images of you singing that song to me just keep flashing in my mind...
haiz... when will i be able to move on? like seriously move on???
it's really hard to be just friends and tears flow again at the thot of it. *slaps*
PS: the plant is growing well. although it was really "dead" previously.
Jun blogged at
11:16 PM
曾经爱过你 / Saturday, December 26, 2009
我的心声。。。
I did it again. I revisited our conversations again today. and i broke my promise to myself again. Realised how immature I was with all the brainless conversations. That's how a person react when she is just plain helpless. everything goes. Everytime i revisited all that, I learnt sth new from it.. picked up all the bits and pieces...
One day... waiting for that day to come when I will smile at all that and tell myself. I'm glad you did not cry again. you smiled.
I thank you for all that you have done for me. For all that we have went through. I must say, I found perfection in all that imperfection. I'm serious..
my dear comp must have read my mind.. the first song i heard when i played my itunes today. din even realise i have this song.. so close to my heart...
Jun blogged at
12:29 AM
will you wait for me.. / Sunday, December 6, 2009
Will You Wait for Me - Kavana
I need to talk with you again, why did you go away? All our time together just feels like yesterday I never thought I'd see a single day without you The things we take for granted, we can sometimes lose
And if I promise not to feel this pain Will I see you again? Will I see you again?
'Cos time will pass me by, maybe I'll never learn to smile But I know I'll make it through if you wait for me And all the tears I cry, no matter how I try They'll never bring you home to me Won't you wait for me in heaven?
Do you remember how it was when we never seemed to care? The days went by so quickly 'cos I thought you'd always be there And it's hard to let you go, though I know that I must try I feel like I've been cheated 'cos we never said goodbye
And if I promise not to feel this pain Will I see you again? Will I see you again?
'Cos time will pass me by, maybe I'll never learn to smile But I know I'll make it through if you wait for me And all the tears I cry, no matter how I try They'll never bring you home to me Won't you wait for me in heaven?
'Cos I miss you so And I need to know Will you wait for me?
'Cos time will pass me by, maybe I'll never learn to smile But I know I'll make it through if you wait for me And all the tears I cry, no matter how I try They'll never bring you home to me Won't you wait for me in heaven?
And time will pass me by, maybe I'll never learn to smile But I know I'll make it through if you wait for me _______________________________________________
many things i wanna say.. many things i wanna do.. i can no longer say or do.. up till today. there isn't one day. i never think of you.
When will that day come when i can totally let go and be myself again.
Its been a long time since I last logged in here.. While checking my mail, i realised there is actually still someone who bothered to check out my blog after more than a year of inactive-ness. I wonder who's that..
Anyway, as the title suggest, I'm lost and I lost. I have never felt so miserable before in my entire life.. Many things I thought I should do... I did not do. Why? Because fear over-ruled. I'm afraid of rejection and putting up a strong front seems to be the only way out (as usual).
But as I think through over and over again.. I realised, probably nothing would have changed your decision. Up till today, I am still searching for the reason why things have to turn out this way.
Time and again, images of you and all that we had experienced and walked through together flashes through my mind. And the more I think, the more tears I drop. But I just can't help but think and think. Everything seems to be related to you one way or another. A friend just dropped me a msn message "Did you get the commencement bear last time?" I'm sorry friend, I don't wish to reply.. because it was YOU who gave me that commencement bear. It just reminded me of you yet again... and tears ****.......
Every night before I go to bed, I tell myself - Enough of all that silly thoughts girl, have a good slp and tomorrow will be a brand new start. But without fail, I still have all that silly thoughts and deep down I still hoped you did you not make that decision and we could go back to the past. Everyday, I still tear for you.. on the bus ride to work, sitting at my office desk (every corner there is sth that will make me think of you... I should just chuck all of them into a box) and even while shopping online. What happened to shopping is the best remedy? I hate who I am now seriously.
On that very wed of your deadline, the very first song I heard on my mp3 was this:
"You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)"
Don't give up It's just the weight of the world When your heart's heavy I...I will lift it for you
Don't give up Because you want to be heard If silence keeps you I...I will break it for you
Everybody wants to be understood Well I can hear you Everybody wants to be loved Don't give up Because you are loved
Don't give up It's just the hurt that you hide When you're lost inside I...I will be there to find you
Don't give up Because you want to burn bright If darkness blinds you I...I will shine to guide you
Everybody wants to be understood Well I can hear you Everybody wants to be loved Don't give up Because you are loved
You are loved Don't give up It's just the weight of the world Don't give up Every one needs to be heard You are loved
It gave me so much hope that day that I was so looking forward to 12 noon. did you know that?Only to experience disappointment when it struck 12. shattered once again. To me, that was an answer. An answer that I refused to accept. and even till today... I can't seem to accept it......
Im still the lost kid... finding my way out of the maze.
Girl... don't give up! you will soon find the strength to walk out of it and be the happy and cheerful girl once again. with or without you. either way you want it to be.
