I did it again. I revisited our conversations again today. and i broke my promise to myself again. Realised how immature I was with all the brainless conversations. That's how a person react when she is just plain helpless. everything goes. Everytime i revisited all that, I learnt sth new from it.. picked up all the bits and pieces...
One day... waiting for that day to come when I will smile at all that and tell myself. I'm glad you did not cry again. you smiled.
I thank you for all that you have done for me. For all that we have went through. I must say, I found perfection in all that imperfection. I'm serious..
my dear comp must have read my mind.. the first song i heard when i played my itunes today. din even realise i have this song.. so close to my heart...
Jun blogged at
12:29 AM
will you wait for me.. / Sunday, December 6, 2009
Will You Wait for Me - Kavana
I need to talk with you again, why did you go away? All our time together just feels like yesterday I never thought I'd see a single day without you The things we take for granted, we can sometimes lose
And if I promise not to feel this pain Will I see you again? Will I see you again?
'Cos time will pass me by, maybe I'll never learn to smile But I know I'll make it through if you wait for me And all the tears I cry, no matter how I try They'll never bring you home to me Won't you wait for me in heaven?
Do you remember how it was when we never seemed to care? The days went by so quickly 'cos I thought you'd always be there And it's hard to let you go, though I know that I must try I feel like I've been cheated 'cos we never said goodbye
And if I promise not to feel this pain Will I see you again? Will I see you again?
'Cos time will pass me by, maybe I'll never learn to smile But I know I'll make it through if you wait for me And all the tears I cry, no matter how I try They'll never bring you home to me Won't you wait for me in heaven?
'Cos I miss you so And I need to know Will you wait for me?
'Cos time will pass me by, maybe I'll never learn to smile But I know I'll make it through if you wait for me And all the tears I cry, no matter how I try They'll never bring you home to me Won't you wait for me in heaven?
And time will pass me by, maybe I'll never learn to smile But I know I'll make it through if you wait for me _______________________________________________
many things i wanna say.. many things i wanna do.. i can no longer say or do.. up till today. there isn't one day. i never think of you.
When will that day come when i can totally let go and be myself again.
Its been a long time since I last logged in here.. While checking my mail, i realised there is actually still someone who bothered to check out my blog after more than a year of inactive-ness. I wonder who's that..
Anyway, as the title suggest, I'm lost and I lost. I have never felt so miserable before in my entire life.. Many things I thought I should do... I did not do. Why? Because fear over-ruled. I'm afraid of rejection and putting up a strong front seems to be the only way out (as usual).
But as I think through over and over again.. I realised, probably nothing would have changed your decision. Up till today, I am still searching for the reason why things have to turn out this way.
Time and again, images of you and all that we had experienced and walked through together flashes through my mind. And the more I think, the more tears I drop. But I just can't help but think and think. Everything seems to be related to you one way or another. A friend just dropped me a msn message "Did you get the commencement bear last time?" I'm sorry friend, I don't wish to reply.. because it was YOU who gave me that commencement bear. It just reminded me of you yet again... and tears ****.......
Every night before I go to bed, I tell myself - Enough of all that silly thoughts girl, have a good slp and tomorrow will be a brand new start. But without fail, I still have all that silly thoughts and deep down I still hoped you did you not make that decision and we could go back to the past. Everyday, I still tear for you.. on the bus ride to work, sitting at my office desk (every corner there is sth that will make me think of you... I should just chuck all of them into a box) and even while shopping online. What happened to shopping is the best remedy? I hate who I am now seriously.
On that very wed of your deadline, the very first song I heard on my mp3 was this:
"You Are Loved (Don't Give Up)"
Don't give up It's just the weight of the world When your heart's heavy I...I will lift it for you
Don't give up Because you want to be heard If silence keeps you I...I will break it for you
Everybody wants to be understood Well I can hear you Everybody wants to be loved Don't give up Because you are loved
Don't give up It's just the hurt that you hide When you're lost inside I...I will be there to find you
Don't give up Because you want to burn bright If darkness blinds you I...I will shine to guide you
Everybody wants to be understood Well I can hear you Everybody wants to be loved Don't give up Because you are loved
You are loved Don't give up It's just the weight of the world Don't give up Every one needs to be heard You are loved
It gave me so much hope that day that I was so looking forward to 12 noon. did you know that?Only to experience disappointment when it struck 12. shattered once again. To me, that was an answer. An answer that I refused to accept. and even till today... I can't seem to accept it......
Im still the lost kid... finding my way out of the maze.
Girl... don't give up! you will soon find the strength to walk out of it and be the happy and cheerful girl once again. with or without you. either way you want it to be.
Jun blogged at
12:20 AM
去年的今天，人在上海。 / Friday, February 22, 2008
As the title suggest, I was in Shanghai on this day exactly 1 year ago. I really miss my days in Shanghai and wish I am there right now.
One year ago, I chose to go to Shanghai for exchange albeit many pple question my choice of destination. Many asked, why not US? why not Europe? Till today, I still can't give a concrete answer to it. Suddenly remembered that I once told a friend, what ever decision you make will be the right decision. Deep down inside you know what you want. Maybe.. maybe I knew what I wanted then..
Uncertainties and worries before departing from Singapore. Would I be able to adapt? What would it be like to be away from home for half a year in a foreign land? These were just pure evidence that i simply think too much.. haha.. In the cab from the airport to sch, I knew, my next 5 months will be an enjoyable one. and indeed, it was truly an experience never to be forgotten.
I remembered very clearly for that close to 1 hour cab ride from the airport to sch, the 师傅 (taxi driver) spat more than 10 times out of the window that I lost count. I really wonder, does he really have that much phlegm? or it is just purely habitual. That aside, I spent the whole ride looking out of the window, trying to read the chinese road signs, looking at the buildings and wondering, why can't the expressways in Singapore be like those in Shanghai, where there are like 2 or 3 roads running above each other. Wouldn't that help to ease congestion?
Just some random thoughts.. Comparing 22.02.07 and 22.02.08, I'm much happier on 22.02.07. obviously, who would be happier being stuck with dissertation and knowing that you are so going to die from it? haha... those days, I look forward to whats ahead of me, now? I don't even dare think.
Contradictingly (is there such a word), these days, I tend to think even more. It just seems like there are thousand and one things out there for me to go figure out and solve. Most importantly, to figure out.. what do I want? this time round, deep down inside, I seriously have no clue. Im just a confused kid man.
Pessimistic thoughts aside, I went to 'revisit' Shanghai. Although most of the photos are not professionally taken, they are very fond memories and simply lovely to me. They bring me back to 1 year ago.
I will never forget on the first day of my exchange program, I walked alot. Starting point was Nanjing Lu and after lunch, we walked to Yuyuan, walked the whole Yuyuan, including the garden, followed by walking to the bund. Basically i walked the whole day. Truly unforgettable. Haven't walked for that long a distance for a very long time. maybe when I free, shall map out the distance that i walked that day. But it was really enjoyable although its kind of tiring considering the fact that I took a night flight, reached Shanghai around 6 am, settled accommodation and out I went, exploring. Gotta really thank ruiz and zy for bringing us around. If its just derrick and i, we will most probably just hang around xujiahui.. hahaha..
Picture(S) of the day!
Shanghai street, away from the cosmopolitan city.
Botak tree in Yuyuan Gardens.
Westin "Crown"!! This photo doesn't really show the Westin Hotel but seriously, magnificent and very lovely architecture. I love the crown. is that guy pointing at the Peace Hotel? hahaa.. no idea man..
Shanghai Pudong! the famous oriental pearl tower.
I miss 504, I miss the 演唱会s I used to watch on tv, I miss COMIC (my endless source of entertainment, the avenue that got me hooked on Heros), I miss the super duper crowded train ride to town, I miss the Korean food, the 东北饺子，the sgrean restaurant across the street. I miss the sakura tree. I miss the bund......
I'm so definitely going back there again!.. Can I get a job that sends me to Shanghai? Dubai also can.. haha
Botak tree in Yuyuan Gardens.
